"I don't know what good it is to know so much and be smart as whips and all if it doesn't make you happy." ~ J.D. Salinger
I hate my job. I've hated my job for a long long time. The reasons why are many, with any one of them alone enough to make me miserable. It has escalated to the point that I cry almost every day, either on the way to work, or once I'm there, or often, both. If it weren't for my friends that I have there, I would probably not have lasted 5 years. And unfortunately, my professional angst doesn't stay in the office. I bring my frustrations home, taking them out on a super-perceptive 6 year old. This summer, I started seeing in him the effects of my bringing it all home -- issues that are undoubtedly a result of living with a momma who is chronically angry, sad, frustrated, or some combination thereof -- and frankly, what I began to see terrified me.
So, for the past little while, I've been working through (and mostly discarding) scenarios in which I might be able to quit. I've spent time applying to various jobs -- none of which necessarily appealed to me, but they were "good jobs" nonetheless. Alternatives to where I am and what I'd been doing. The primary two things that I'm seeking are harder to come by than you might expect: I want to use my brain, preferably through legal writing and research, and I want at least *some* autonomy over my schedule. (Example: for two years, all G has wanted -- asked for almost every day -- is to be a "car rider" at school; in my current job, just going two blocks to read a book to his class directly cuts into my ability to go on vacation with him.). At the very best, those aren't qualities that are found in jobs that are acquired in the short term.
What's that you say? Miserable jobs and bad hours and cranky kids are just "life" and I need to suck it up? No. It doesn't have to be life and it isn't going to be MY life. OUR life. Today, I crossed the Rubicon. I jumped off the ledge. Today, I quit my day job.
I have never been one that needed much in the way of material conveniences. Give me a happy kid, a stack of books, some diet coke or some live music and I'm a happy girl. My sister always joked that I could go a week without running water and never notice. The idea of simple living has just always seemed appealing to me. But the idea of the work it might take to make that lifestyle conversion was a bit overwhelming. So I mostly just thought about it or read about it or talked about it and wished that I could get there.
But a few weeks ago, I got a letter from my student loan company saying that they would be debiting my last payment in a few days. That thin sheet of paper slapped me square across the face! It not only meant that my law school education was officially paid for, but it also signified the fact that (aside from my home) I had ZERO debt. No obligations. Nothing chaining me to the miserable existence that many people live their whole lives chained to. A few days later, I just happened to be looking at this stagnant blog, reading through my "Bucket List", and stopped at Number 23: Quit my day job. Right below it was Number 24: Live on a boat. I have a friend who is working really actively right now to change his life so that he and his family can live on a boat for a while. He's also been on my case about doing what it takes to be happy with my life. The two statements in tandem pierced me.
A few details, some good timing, a little bit of rough planning, and a whole lot of thought and prayer later, brings us to today. I quit my job. I'm working on renting out my house so that we can move somewhere more consistent with the lifestyle I've chosen for my immediate future. I have a part-time, non-legal job (not illegal, just non-legal) that will help with the expenses while I work on charting this future for us. Though the stress and pressure may be great as I work through the details, the load I'm carrying is already 10x lighter. My kid is already 10x happier. And that in itself is enough.
I've chuckled to myself all day today (and the last few weeks) at very well-meaning friends and family who say things like: "you'll find a new job soon" or "I'm sure something will turn up" or "why don't you talk to XYZ Co. about a job?". I have worked at a job for 5 years. It came at a very crucial time in my family's life, and I'll be forever grateful for the role it played in our survival. Without that good steady job for the last 5 years, I couldn't do what I'm doing now. But I don't want another job. I want to take advantage of my station in life and seek out and do work that I love, so that I can have a life that I love, so that my son can grow up with the notion that work is a fun thing and not an evil thing, so that he, too, can always have a life that he loves.
Life is way too short to work at a job you despise just to say you have a "good job" and make a few extra bucks. Life is too short to cry, and make your kid cry, just so you can continue doing what everyone else says you should do. I've never been a dreamer; in fact, this is quite likely the least planned out, least practical and by-the-books thing I've ever done. I had a bookmark as an 8 year old that said, "Always read the ending first; life is too uncertain." That me hasn't changed in 30 years. But I've also never been one to believe in sitting around and letting life happen to you.
I've always loved and quoted George Bernard Shaw's words, but it's time to live them: "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, they make them."
YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
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