Why Me?

Yesterday: A young couple from my hometown lost their 7-month-old daughter. When they woke on Sunday morning, she wasn't breathing; she had suffocated -- or gone into respiratory failure -- I don't know them and I don't know the details. What I do know, however, is that literally overnight, their world was turned upside down.  And for 36 hours, they were in pure hell as doctors worked to save her precious little life.


Yesterday: I had one of the most difficult parenting days I've ever had. Despite my best efforts to do everything the "right" way, it was still a big fail. Gates really struggled on the soccer fields, not just athletically, but his head was a million miles from playing soccer. I know it was fatigue, but there was no good  reason for it. He'd had 12 hours of sleep and a nap at school, we never do caffeine/sugar, and he eats a very balanced diet. I couldn't explain it. I was frustrated beyond belief and wondering how in the world I had so monumentally messed up.


My struggles yesterday were NOTHING compared to the struggles of the sweet parents I mentioned above. Nothing. But when tragedy strikes, especially involving the life of a child, and on a day when I'm already questioning my parenting, I can't help but ask: WHY ME?


Why would God take a child from these parents, probably just as they were becoming comfortable with parenthood, parents who were set to give this little girl what would appear to be a very "normal" happy life, and yet spare my child, who is being raised by a mom alone -- a mom who can never quite seem to get it together? Why did God choose me to walk this path, to mold every single aspect of this little boy's life, and take away baby Rylan before her parents even got a real chance to experience parenthood?


As I sunk to a very low place last night, forcing myself to reconcile these two situations, I realized "why me." It had nothing to do with some bad person/good person dichotomy. And I didn't just happen to get lucky while this couple fell victim to a more tragic fate. It is because God CHOSE me to walk this path, because He has a plan that is beyond what I can understand or even imagine. I cannot and will not attempt to understand why a 7-month-old had to die yesterday, but I can only believe that it is part of a bigger plan. He is not through with that family. Just as He is not through with me.  And He is not through with my son. If He operated the way my finite and earthly mind is trained to operate, I -- one of the "bad people" by earthly standards -- would never have the opportunity that I've been given.

Years ago, I learned an acronym which helped explain the concept of grace:

Gods

Riches

At

Christ's

Expense.

I have done nothing to deserve the privilege of raising this amazing little boy. It is only because of God's grace and Christ's sacrifice that I've been given this opportunity. And I must not squander it.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11